2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
