i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
