So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
