I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
