omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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