Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
