I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
