kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
