we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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