pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
