The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
