Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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