I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
worst night to have a conscience
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
