happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
did i just pee glitter
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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