And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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