let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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