whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
pray to the hookup gods
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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