I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
