I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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