last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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