my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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