i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
