our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
