I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
