I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
