I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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