i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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