i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
