she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
