so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
