you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize