you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
