Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We are all done wearing pants today
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize