they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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