Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
