I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
