Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
