WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
