im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I cockslap morals
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
