I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I wear drunk well.
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