so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
