Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
