i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize