Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
