First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
