dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
