so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just google imaged poop.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
