she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
