I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
