So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
