I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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