just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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