If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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