we have officially lost it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
