I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
