Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
