Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
