SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
