I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
