if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
