I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
