I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
