I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
