I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
