Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
