Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
