So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
