xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My ATM looks so different sober.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
