His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
